Disempower the Bully by Removing Comfort

  • Deborah Bravandt
  • August 18, 2017 4:24 pm

Disempower the Bully by Removing Comfort

A man was impressed with himself. He had huge financial success and he was at the top of his game. His clients considered him a friend even though he did not feel the same, but it worked for him, as he didn’t have to pursue the clients. They pursued him. The women adored him. It was easy to see why, after all, he was rich and he had assets. He was adored by everyone in the office, except that one woman. She would not conform to his desires. It wasn’t like she wasn’t doing her job. She was quiet, focused, and fulfilled the duties of her position, a perfect employee by all accounts. But he held disdain for her. He didn’t understand why he felt contempt, but he knew it was real. She had surpassed him in sales for the previous month, but it was most likely a fluke. Hardly worth worrying about. Yet, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. What if she surpassed him again? He never doubted himself before, yet, he felt afraid.

He made a goal. He would get her to conform to his needs. “She must adore me!” He would make her dependent on him so that he would feel comfortable again. He said to her, “No one likes you. Our accountant is angry with you.” She quietly went to the accountant to resolve the problem only to discover there was no problem. It was a lie.

He would fabricate stories about her sex life, claiming he had the inside scoop, and share those fabrications with his co-workers while the woman was in a meeting. The co-workers would laugh at the claims but quiet down as the woman returned to her desk. They didn’t hide their disdain. It was open knowledge.

He could see he was not making progress with this woman, so he threatened her. He told her he could take his golf club to her head. He thought it was funny. Harmless humor, he thought. She did not think it was funny. She interviewed with the competitor, got hired, and took her clients with her. The man who needed adoration now felt regret.

Disempower the bully by removing comfort

Bullying has its root cause in the need for Adoration. If adoration is not fulfilled, the bully seeks to control the circumstances through deceit and punishment of the individual who is perceived as being Non-Conforming. Bullies often have the resources to attack, to humiliate, to cause distress, and label the individual as a Loser in order to influence a group mindset. Group bullying and bullies lose their power when it is realized that their intention is to create COMFORT. Comfort is a form of an addiction, a dependency, like swallowing a glass of false pretenses that feel good but leave you bloated. Take away the comfort, you disempower the bully.

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