Complex, Condemn-Diminish-Vulnerable, Story

Bullies want Adoration

A man was impressed with himself. He had huge financial success and he was at the top of his game. His clients considered him a friend even though he did not feel the same, but it worked for him, as he didn’t have to pursue the clients. They pursued him.

The women adored him. He was rich and he had assets. He was adored by everyone in the office, except that ONE woman. She would not conform to his desires. It wasn’t like she wasn’t doing her job. She was quiet, focused, and fulfilled the duties of her position, a perfect employee by all accounts. But he held disdain for her.

He didn’t understand why he felt contempt, but he knew it was real. She had surpassed him in sales for the previous month, but it was most likely a fluke. Hardly worth worrying about. Yet, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. What if she surpassed him again? He never doubted himself before, yet, he felt afraid.

He made a goal. He would get her to conform to his needs. “She must adore me!” He would make her dependent on him so that he would feel comfortable again. He said to her, “No one likes you. Our accountant is angry with you.” She quietly went to the accountant to resolve the problem only to discover there was no problem. It was a lie.

He could see he was not making progress with this woman, so he told her he could take his golf club to her head. He thought it was funny. She did not think it was funny. She was hired by the competitor and took her clients with her. The man now felt regret.

Diminishment has its root cause in the need for Adoration. All bullies want to be the center of attention. All bullies want adoration. If adoration is not fulfilled, the bully seeks to control the circumstances through deceit and punishment of the individual who is perceived as being non-conforming. Bullies seek comfort, which is a form of an addiction, like swallowing a glass of false pretenses that feel good but leave you bloated. Take away the comfort, you dis-empower the bully.

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