Jeff had mangled teeth, a huge nose, and sausage link fingers. He was fatuous in every way. He realized he was boneheaded, but he was smart enough to con a naive woman, named Bee, into marrying him as she wanted to keep her sexuality closeted. Jeff’s sausage link fingers disgusted her but she tolerated him as she was fearful that her true identity as a lesbian would be discovered, leading to Republican men beating the shit out of her. She wanted to live longer than the age of 30.
Jeff would name himself “Sausage Fingers” as he was impressed with the girth of his fingers. It compensated for lack in other areas.
When Bee married Sausage Fingers, she was faithful to him even though he was not the brightest bulb. He was faithful to Bee, Anne, Miller, Jesus, Jennifer, Jones, and assorted dogs in the neighborhood especially Fox the dog.
He knew no boundaries. He attended every chamber of commerce grand opening of a new adult book business, often cutting the red ribbon without permission to get to the DVDs. He was lucky he didn’t get a misdemeanor citation for pushing the mayor of Lemon Grove out of the way and spilling her coffee.
He bought a programmable sex doll expecting it to talk back in English, but she spoke in German, causing him to stop buying French Fries because France bordered Germany. How else do you protest immigrant sex dolls? He went to every sex toy trade show in Las Vegas to claim he was buying product for his adult online business, yet he didn’t know the difference between dildo and keto. “Was it an anal diet?” he wondered.
Sausage Fingers was manic, full of greed, and thirsty with self deception. This is a Story of Deception, Adult Book Store Grand Openings, and Misdemeanors. He was a security guard, so his wages could not match his thirst. He privately depended upon Bee’s income as she made significantly more money than him. He would claim his car needed a new engine, when it did not, pay the mechanic from Bee’s account for fraudulent charges, the mechanic cashed the check and handed over the cash minus a nice handling fee for this deception.
Sausage Fingers would play cards at the local casino, hoping to hit it big with Blackjack, but he just couldn’t achieve winning status as that one annoying thought kept pressing against his mind. “You didn’t create this money. You stole it.” He doubted his own success, which attracted the attention of casino girls, a scratchy crotch, and finally a bag of nothingness.
Bee had grown short of Sausage Fingers’s addictions. She wanted out of the marriage. She had taken self defense classes so she was confident she could protect herself. It wasn’t easy getting out of the marriage. He had opened multiple credit card accounts, maxed them out, and threw them away when he couldn’t pay. He didn’t even known how many cards he had applied for during his marriage.
Sausage Fingers had used Bee’s card for online purchases, so this pushed Bee to the limit. Bee hired a powerful attorney. Bee fought the good fight and escaped with minimal damage. Bee would go on to create a career in identity theft while Sausage Fingers would work as a butcher, occasionally shaving off bits of his skin into the meat because he was confused as to whether he was a sadist or a masochist.